Spiked Tea, Among Other Things
by Really Bad Eggs
Summary: Contained within you will find spiked tea, a failed game of I Never, yaoi, a very pissed off Wufei, a bewildered Trowa, an indignant Queen of the World, a frightened Quatre, an impassive Heero, and a complete lack of continuity. And Duo.


Gundam Wing fic (weird)

Disclamer: We do not own Gundam Wing, and we do not know who does either! Don't sue us! We are broke! Your lawyer would get more money out of you then you would get out of us!!!   
Notes: Humor!!! Sorry Trowa and Relena fans!!!  
Warnings: Yaoi, sort of lime, not really noticable though.  
Paings: 1+2, 2+1, 3+4, 4+3, umm. . . sort of R+1, no 1+R though.  
  
  
Quatre looked at Trowa and said cautiously, OOKKKKAAAYYYYYY. . . I' ll have some of that morning tea already. Um. . . thanks!   
Then Wufei walked in and said,WHAT are you two doing!? Quatre blushed and said,Uhhh. . . nothing, nope, nothing at all, nope, really nothing! Go have some tea in the bathroom or something!  
Yes, the bathroom! Trowa said. Then Quatre said,You've been acting strangly latly Trowa! Not that I mind!!! Wufei sat down on the couch and watched thinking to himself *Hmm. . . this could get interesting!* But then, when Trowa bent down and kissed Quatre, Wufei got up and ran out of the room muttering somthing about injustice while getting a bloody nose.  
I TOLD you to have tea some where else! screamed Quatre, laughing at the nose bleed. Wufei ran to the bathroom, then ran out, blood spurting from his nose when he saw that Heero and Duo were in the bathroom! Is there no justice in this world!? Wufei screamed.  
Get OUT everyone before I LOSE IT! yelled Wufei. Everyone stared at him. Wufei mumbled something about having tea? Then poured himself a cup.  
Heero looked at Duo, shruged, then grabbed his braid and led him out with Duo yelling,Owch!!!! Hey!!!! Not so hard!!!!! See ya Wufei!!!!  
After they left, Quatre looked into Wufei's cup,Since when does tea look like beer? he asked innosently.  
Then Trowa said,Oh no!!! A drunken Wufei is NOT a good thing! I am out of here! Quatre suddenly felt very scared,Where did everyone go? I don't want to be alone here with Wufei! WWWAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Come back Trowa!!!  
Yelled the now drunk Wufei. Then somehow he snapped out of it! Wait! It's not beer! See?! he pointed to the large can of tea in his hand. Then he looked at the ingediants and facevalted,Hey!!! Since when do they put alcohal in tea!?  
Quatre thought hard and said,Well, me and Heero kept giving me and Duo that stuff. Quatre blushed and said,Oh no! I can't remember what happened after that!  
. . . . . . I am not saying anything! Wufei said as blood came spurting out of his nose again. WHAT do you know!? Quatre yelled.  
All I know is it was very hard to sleep last night and I got about 50 nose bleeds!!! Wufei told a confused Quatre.   
Trowa, Duo, and Heero poked their heads back in the doorway. (What, you think they would leave Quatre alone with a drunken Wufei?)  
"WHHHHAAAAATTT!!!!" screamed Trowa and Duo simulataneously. They hugged each other for comfort.  
  
"Oh, Trowa! How could our lovers take advantage of us like this!" yelled Duo, still hugging Trowa.  
"Oh, Duo! We could be pregnant!"  
  
"DO YOU MIND?!?!?" yelled Wufei, getting tissues for his nose.  
"And could someone PLEASE explain the facts of life to poor Trowa!" added Duo.  
" Well, Trowa, when a man and a WOMAN love each other very much. . .sometimes the WOMAN gets pregenat and has a child," explained Quatre.  
"Oh my! Then you could have a baby!" stated Trowa, "I'll be a father!"  
"I'm a MAN you MORON!" yelled Quatre (then he quicckly apolizged and bowed).  
"REALLY? I never knew..." said Trowa.  
"Can't you tell the DIFFERENCE?" asked Quatre.   
Trowa shook his head no sadly.  
"Man, you really haven't been around people much," said Duo.  
"Uhhh. . . sorry! hey, Quatre! Want some tea!? Wufei still has some left!" Said Trowa and his eyes lit up.  
"Umm. . . I think I'll pass this time!" said a VERY nervous Quatre. Just then the doorbell rang.   
At the front door Relena Peacecraft had just gotten to Wufei's house. "How dare you run away from the love of your life! Open up this door on behalf of Miss Relena Darlian  
Peacecraft, Queen of the World!" demanded Relena as she softly knocked on the door with her pinky raised up. She heard someone clapping at her speech from inside. "HEY!"  
Relena pressed her ear against the door, still not believing how disloyal her subjects were. She could only hear snatches of conversation: "Drunk. . .pregnant. . .NO, TROWA!!!!. . . Duo."  
Her face blushed as pink as her dress.  
"Let me save you, Heero! I won't allow those . . .PEASANTS corrupt your morals!"  
She was only answered by a . . .  
Duo went to open the door, and an overly protective Heero followed close behind with a gun, just in case. Duo didn't notice Heero, and instead opened the door. Then his smile turned into a frown and, before Heero could react, a shrill voice was heard and Relina jumped into the room yelling,"Oh Heero! Where are you my love!?"   
"AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" yelled Heero. Save me! and he started to run in circles all around the room!   
"Geez Relina?! Can't you take a hint when it is applied with a sledhammer! He tried to KILL you! He's NOT interested," yelled Duo over the noise.   
Trowa said,   
"Hmm, I don't know. I'm not making commitments," said Heero.  
"OH, I DO!! I DO!!" yelled Relina  
" . . . . ."-Heero  
"See? She takes the SLIGHEST thing and turns it into a wedding proposal?"  
"Well, ANYWAY, what WHERE All you pilots doing here at night!" scoled Relina,  
"Guys, really, be nice to Relena! It's not HER fault shes an annoying, bratty, third wheel, "said Quatre, "UH! I meant. . .well, I didn't mean that!"  
Relena stared in shock at Quatre, EVERYONE did. He had never said something mean before! Then Relena started bawling. Her tears were making huge puddles all over the floor!  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!! It's Relena's true attack!!!!" yelled Duo as he tried to escape the huge falling bomb tears.  
"It's raining!, Its pouring! The old man is snoring!!!!!!!!" sang a thouroughly bewildered Trowa.  
"Lets shoot her." suggested Heero.  
"HEERO!!! After you worked so hard to save her!?" Duo yelled over the noise.  
"That was when she was the one hope for peace, now she is obviously insane, so its pefectly O.K.!" Said Heero. Everyone stared at him, even Relena stopped crying to stare.  
"WHAT!!! What did I say!?" Yelled Heero.  
"Ummm. . . That was the most you have ever said at once Heero!!!" Duo said.  
"Oh! Now my only lover in the world has abandoned me! And Duo, stop teasing poor Heero!" moaned Relena.  
5 minutes later, everyone was ankle deep in tears, still absorbing what Heero had said. Wufei muttered something about ruining the carpet, then turned to  
Relena.  
"Stop bawling, WOMAN! You can be such a weakling sometimes!" Of course that made Relena cry harder.  
Heero suddenly remembered what he was doing. He produced a gun from his spandex shorts, startling everyone. Trowa's eyes grew wide with fear as he saw the weapon. He instinctly stood in front of his lover, yelling,"You can't shoot my Quatre! He's  
carrying an innocent child!"  
A statement that stupid did not deserve a reponse, except Relena cried louder. Gun pointed at Relena, Heero said clearly, "Omae o kurosu!."  
"Oh Heero! It reminds me of when we first met! You DO care!"  
Quatre suddenly realized that Relina probably was going to be staying and stay all night, yelling from the doorway (so he should just make the best of it).  
"Umm, miss Relina, please come in and have some tea," he said. HE was instanely greeted by four Glares Of Death inc.   
"Does anyone seem to mind this is MY apartment?" yelled Wufei  
"Aww, come on, this could be fun!" said Duo.  
"Hey, she could be scared away and the tea's spiked, right*" asked Heero.  
"hmmm, I forgot. Please, don't scare her too much, she's not used to yaoi!" remarked Quatre.  
"Uhh . . .YES, QUATRE I would like to join you FOR TEA, thank YOU very MUCH!" said RElina loudly, not liking where the conversation was going.  
"You know, Relena, I am not actually insane or anything, so you don't have to yell so loud." said Quatre.  
"YEAH! Duo's the one whose insane!"   
"WAAAAAAAAA!!! Heero you are so meeeeaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn!"  
"Sorry" said Relena blushing, "I didn't know."   
"ARRRRGGG! You're worse than Trowa!" Yelled Wufei, "And I will NOT allow you to come into my apartment! You are a woman! Women are not aloud in here!!!"  
More tears well up in Relena's eyes and she runs off crying.  
"Well, that's over! Let's play 'I Never'!" Duo said.  
"But Duo! We don't have any beer!" said Quatre.  
"OI! I have some!" said Duo and with that 5 carts of beer magically appeared in front of them!"  
"WOW! How do you do that!?" asked Trowa.  
"Never mind that! Lets go!"   
"You would have never guessed what can fit in Spandex!" said Heero.   
Quatre almost fainted at the 5 carts of beer.   
"Alcohol! But we're underage! And what about what happened last night when there was alcohol?"  
"Aww, Quatre, you said the same thing and ruined all of our fun in the last episode!" said Duo.  
"Well, Quatre, you should sit out. It's not healthly for the baby to drink when you're pregnant!" reassured Trowa.  
A statement that stupid did not deserve a response.  
Apparently last night's incident was forgotten as the beer was unloaded from the carts.  
"This should be very interesting. . .to watch." thought Quatre. Everyone ignored him and sat down around the beer.   
"I'm not going to win this, you know. I'll pass out very easily, espically now that I'm so tired," complained Quatre. Wufei took a swig of the alchol and kept on drinking.  
"Do you MIND? Not until the game starts!" yelled Duo. Wufei contined to drink.   
"Alright, game starts now!" yelled Wufei. Duo sighed and said, "Alright. I never spiked anyone tea." Trowa and Heero started drinking (along with Wufei,  
he's still drinking).  
"Will you stop it already!" yelled Quatre.


End file.
